A not so Perfect Wedding
by Rufus J ShinRa1
Summary: Another one! Aeris and Sephiroth finally decide to get married but Rufus and Hojo hate the idea and team up with Kefka and co. to stop them....


  
  
  
  
A not so Perfect wedding  
  
  
Many idea's for this fic came for my good friend Xrya. If you love me read his fanfic Shinra camping trip. [You love me don't you?] Oh and please read Marco Leon Strife's fanfictions  
  
  
  
[Some evil fortress]  
  
  
  
Kefka: Wahahhahahahahha!!!!!  
  
Garland: Now what?  
  
Kefka: [takes some money from the monopoly board game] I am the supreme ruler of Boardwalk!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ex-Death: You play wussy board games Kefka. Now Gilgamish where were we in Scrabble?  
  
Gilgamish: I was winning.  
  
Ex-Death: YOU DAMN LIAR!  
  
Gilgamish: Sorry master but I was!  
  
Ex-Death: NO YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!  
  
Gilgamish: YES MASTER! YOU WERE WINNING!  
  
Kefka: Now I own Park Place! I will soon be the undisputed ruler of monopoly! Pay me rent!  
  
Garland: [Cries]  
  
  
  
[Sephiroth's house]  
  
  
Aeris: [Walks in] Where are you Sephiroth?  
  
[Sephiroth is drinking a coke]  
  
Aeris: You know I was thinking.......  
  
Sephiroth: Glug....Glug....  
  
Aeris: We've been going out for a while.....  
  
Sephiroth: Glug.....Glug....  
  
Aeris: Aw forget it! Marry me Sephy!  
  
Sephiroth: [Spits out the coke and it hits the T.V.] MY TV!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeris: Will you?  
  
Sephiroth: Of course darling.....  
  
Aeris: Yay!   
  
Sephiroth: Now help me fix the T.V.!  
  
Aeris: Sure!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[Final Fantsy Tactics world]  
  
  
Vormav: Oh, St.Ajora give me a sign of your presense.........[a letter drops down] AT LAST SHE MAKES CONTACT! [Opens up letter] Aw...It's only Aeris's and Sephiroth's stupid wedding!  
  
Izlude: Thier getting married?  
  
Vormav: Seem's so. I guess I'll go!  
  
Izlude: Good! I hate praying to Ajora!  
  
Vormav: [Blasts him with bolt spell] INFIDEL!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ]  
  
  
Reeve: Sir! I hate sharing a room with Palmer!  
  
Rufus: Why?  
  
Reeve: He wet his bed!  
  
Rufus: So? Everyone does.  
  
Reeve: Yeah but he did it from the other side of the room!  
  
Rufus: [Pukes]  
  
Heiddeger: Sir! A letter for you!  
  
Rufus: I WON THE LOTTO! [Opens up the letter] No it's just a stupid wedding. Aeris and Sephiroths. Well that's nice-Hey what the hell? AERIS AND SEPHIROTH?   
  
Heiddeger: Apparently so?  
  
Rufus: I'll never allow it! [Pulls out shotgun] HOJO!  
  
Hojo: What?  
  
Rufus: Sephiroth is marrying Aeris!  
  
Hojo: My son ain't marrying that angelic goody-goody two shoes!  
  
Reeve: Aren't you being a bit on the mean side on this?  
  
Rufus&Hojo: NO!!!!!  
  
Rufus: Need a plan.....  
  
Hojo: But who will help us?  
  
Rufus: Sephiroth is our friend but we have no choice. We know the three people who hates him the most!  
  
  
  
  
[The Evil Fortress someplace]  
  
  
Kefka: [Phone rings] I wonder who it is? [Checks caller ID] Hmmm....why would THEY call?  
  
Garland: Why don't you ask?  
  
Kefka: [picks up phone] This is Kefka.  
  
Rufus: We need a favor to ask of you.  
  
Kefka: Forget it. I hate you.  
  
Hojo: It's about hurting Sephiroth.  
  
Kefka: [Smiles] I'm listining!  
  
Rufus: Meet me behing Shinra HQ at 8:00  
  
Kefka: CAN DO! [hangs up phone] TO THE VILLAN MOBILE! LET'S BOOGIE!  
  
Ex-Death: The car is only a Ford. Don't make it sound so exciting.  
  
Kefka: Shaddup!  
  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ]  
  
  
  
Kefka: What do you want me to do?  
  
Rufus: Ruin Sephiroth and Aeris's wedding.  
  
Kefka: Do you think you have the ability to win this battle?  
  
Rufus: I'm the author's favorite charachter. Of course he'll make it so I win.  
  
Hojo: Yeah but the author of this story is an Aeris&Sephiroth fan so he might let them win.  
  
Rufus: Nah.  
  
Kefka: I must return to my evil fortress!  
  
Ex-Death: But you promised we'd go to Baskin Robins.  
  
Kefka: I lied. MWAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
  
  
[Mall]  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud what type of Tuxedo should I wear to my wedding.  
  
Cloud: Well......that one over there looks nice.  
  
  
Gilgamish: [Arises out of a fountain with scuba gear and a sniper rifle]  
  
Kefka: [Talking into radio] When you get a clear shot take it.  
  
Gilgamish: [Takes of transmitter and aims] Gotcha now...... [Fires]  
  
Palmer: Hey-Hey! [Steps in front of the bullet and it bounces off of him bouncing off walls]  
  
Gilgamish: Dammit!  
  
Cloud: Look it's Gilgamish!  
  
Gilgamish: EXIT! [Nothing happens] Damn I'm out of MP. [Runs away screaming]  
  
  
Sephiroth: Weird.  
  
  
  
  
[Aeris's house]  
  
  
Tifa: Aeris you look so beautiful.  
  
Aeris: Thank you Tifa.  
  
Garland: [Jumps down chimmney] PREPARE TO DIE CETRA!!!!!! [Draws sword]  
  
Aeris: Can I help you?  
  
Garland: Prepare to face the four fiends! Tiamit, Kraken, Bob and Fred! Sorry the other two fiends quit and we needed replacements.  
  
Fred: Can we get coffee?  
  
Garland: NO! ATTACK!  
  
Bob: Hardass. I suppose I'm the Earth monster.  
  
Garland: Correct.  
  
Fred: This is stupid. Come on fiends let's go. [They leave]  
  
Garland: KRAKEN! TIAMIT! FRED AND BOB YOU ARE VIOLATING OUR CONTRACT!!!!! [They flip him off]  
  
Aeris: ....  
  
Garland: Then I will become Chaos and-hey why are you praying?  
  
Aeris: HOLY!!!!!!!!!! [A blue light sweeps him off]  
  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ]  
  
  
Rufus: So all attempts failed.  
  
Ex-Death: I haven't tried yet.  
  
Kefka: Shut up Ex-Death! Now I think it would be wise to deploy the Turks.  
  
Rufus: But thier on vacation in Costa Del Sol.  
  
Hojo: Well take them off vacation.  
  
  
[Beach]  
  
  
Reno: [Drinking a martini] What a great vacation....  
  
Tseng: [PHS rings] Hello? Yeah I'll get on it. Thier getting married? I think that's cool though. Yes sir I'll never say that again.  
  
Elena: What's up?  
  
Tseng: We have a mission. What do you think Rude?  
  
Rude: ......  
  
Reno: He approves.  
  
  
[Sephiroth's house]  
  
Sephiroth: Now to plan the wedding I need a best man.  
  
Cloud: Me! Me!  
  
Sephiroth: I choose Kain.  
  
Cloud: What? That stupid Dragoon?  
  
Kain: I'm not stupid. I'm just Mentally challenged.  
  
Cloud: Dammit.  
  
  
  
[Wedding day]  
  
Tseng: He's walking down the hill.  
  
Reno: What weapon shall we use?  
  
Elena: PALMER! [They kick Palmer and he rolls down the hill after Sephiroth like in Indiana Jones]  
  
  
Sephiroth: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rude: We have him!  
  
Sephiroth: BARRIER!!!!! [The barrier knocks Palmer all the way back up]  
  
Tseng: RENO LOOK OUT!!!!!  
  
Reno: AHHHHHH!!!!!! [Palmer rolls over him] Ugh....need a doctor....  
  
Tseng: Damn we failed! [Helicopter lands]  
  
  
Rufus: Then I will take care of him!  
  
Sephiroth: Rufus? Why are you attacking me?  
  
Rufus: Because I'm opposed to your wedding.  
  
Sephiroth: How can you beat me? You only have 500 HP.  
  
Rufus: Just a sec I'll be right back. [Comes back inside battle armor that looks like it's straight from Evagalion] DIE!!!!!!  
  
Tseng: Sir!  
  
Rufus: What?  
  
Tseng: The extension cord broke!  
  
Rufus: [Armor powers down] DAMN! REVERT TO SOLAR POWER! [Starts up] Wahahahahhahahahha!!!!!!  
  
[A solar Eclipse comes]  
  
Rufus: NO!!!!!!!!!! [Armor powers down again]  
  
Sephiroth: HYAH! [Destroys the armor]  
  
Rufus: AHHHHHHH!!!!!! [runs away]  
  
  
  
  
  
[Chapel]  
  
  
Preist: Now to get ready and-Hey who are you?  
  
Kefka: Your replacement. [Knocks him out and steals his robes]  
  
Ex-Death: Isn't ti wrong to knock out priests.  
  
Kefka: Who's stopping me? [Lightning hit's him] OW!!!!!  
  
  
[Chapel 2 hours later]  
  
  
Cecil: What a great wedding.  
  
Rosa: Shhhhh...it's starting.  
  
Aeris: Oh how I've waited for this moment....Hey the priest looks like between a mix of Dennis Rodman and Bozo the clown. He looks familliar.....  
  
Kefka: Dearly beloved, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH DO you Sephiroth take Aeris to be your wife?  
  
Sephiroth: I do.  
  
Kefka: Aeris do you?  
  
Aeris: Yes.  
  
Kefka: Then by the power invested in me I....RIP YOU INTO PIECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeris: Not again!  
  
Kefka: ATTACK!!!!!!!  
  
Rufus: No.  
  
Hojo: Yeah were with Sephy again.  
  
Kefka: What? Why?  
  
Rufus: I've done some thinking....  
  
Kefka: TRAITOR. [Shoots Rufus]  
  
Rydia: OH MY GOD HE KILLED THE AUTHOR'S FAVORITE CHARACHTER!  
  
Rufus: I'm still alive! Kill him my Turks!  
  
Kefka: Oh please. I'll show you true power. Behold. By mixing the toilet water of a McDonalds bathroom, The private area's of a frog and Cloud's hair gel to form.......A TRANSFORMATION POTION!  
  
Cloud: No that's just the ingrdiants for Movie Popcorn.  
  
Kefka: Shit! Garland, Gilgamish Ex-Death attack!  
  
Hojo: Take this!!! [Throws a Jenova monster at Gilgamish]  
  
Gilgamish: [Slices it with sword] Hyah!  
  
Cloud: I know!   
  
Tifa: What?  
  
Cloud: I'll use Zack! [Zack jumps out of his carriage and bites Kefka's special spot...repeatidly]  
  
Kefka: OW! OW! OW! PAIN!!!!!! THIS FEELS WORSE THEN THE TIME I ATE THAT FOOD IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!  
  
Rufus: [Get's up and aims shotgun] Gotcha Garland! [Fires]  
  
Garland: EEEEEP!!!! [Shells hit him in the butt] I won't be using the John for awhile!  
  
Kain: JUMP! [JUmps into the air and defeats Ex-Death]  
  
Kefka: My forces!  
  
Aeris: Give it up.  
  
Kefka: Never! Get him killed off my killed off mascot. The Taco Bell Dog!  
  
All: NO! HE'S AS ANNOYING AS HELL!!!!  
  
Dog: Yo Quiro Taco Bell!  
  
Cloud: NO MORE!  
  
Aeris: planet destroy this infidel.....[Holy picks up the Taco Bell Dog]  
  
Dog: Aycurmba!!!  
  
Kefka: No more evil demons.....RUN!  
  
Sephiroth: No one ruins my wedding! Pale Horse!   
  
Kefka: [Get's blasted off in the distance with Ex-Death-Garland and Gilgamish] IT LOOKS LIKE TEAM KEFKA'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!  
  
Gilgamish: Great now were going to get sued by a worn out fad!  
  
  
[Chapel take 2]  
  
  
Priest: Do you two promise to live together in full happiness?  
  
Aeris&Sephiroth: We do.  
  
Priest: You may kiss the bride.  
  
Cloud: Woah thier making out.  
  
Tifa: [Cover's Zack's eyes]  
  
Rufus: Wow what a beautiful wedding. I need to get back to Elena cause I'm felling kinky.  
  
Tseng: Yeah I'm going over to Terra's.  
  
Vincent: My sweet Lucretia.....  
  
All: SHUT UP VINCENT!  
  
Vincent: Sorry force of habit.  
  
THE END  
  
  
WHEW! ANOTHER ONE! Well the series is drawing to a close maybe two more and then I'll write Shinra vs. Microsoft and more chapters for Avenging Rufus. I'd like to give a special thanks of support to Marco Leon Strife and Xrya for supporting me since the beginning. And thank you for all the reader and reviewers. But don't worry you have two more Not so Perfects being written and they will be longer then the other's.  
  
Ja Ne!  
-Rufus  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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